Enough with the “half” already!
Oct 13th, 2005 by Q
I’ve been hearing a little too much of the word “half” lately. Wherever we go, we’re greeted by comments from strangers regarding the physical features of our son. His skin is so white. His brown hair is so beautiful. His nose is so high. (This is actually positive in Japan.) The compliments inevitably end with the phrase,“やっぱりハーフってかわいいね”meaning half-“gaijin” kids are all really cute.
The underlying assumption is of course that western and exotic features are preferable, larger eyes are cuter than small, etc. One neighborhood woman that we know is particularly vocal, and has said that she could never give birth to such a cute baby. Her two-year-old is quite a charmer, and it pains me to hear her always making statements that smack of internalized racism.
I try not to take this sort of thing seriously, but when nearly all the things strangers say about our son are racially based, it starts to irritate you. The message we’re getting is that our son is good looking because he’s half Japanese and half Caucasian. It’s as if his entire identity is tied up in his race in their eyes.
I realize that people are trying to be nice, and are praising him, but they often sound almost relieved that he is half Caucasian. My wife feels like they are sometimes implying that such a cute kid couldn’t come from her, and being half explains the phenomenon. The common perception is perhaps that even two ugly parents could produce a very cute child, provided one is Japanese and the other is from a different race.
Another father of children of mixed race felt that the term “half” was discriminatory in that it is less than whole. He suggested that term “double” be used instead. I can’t help but find this term to be a bit over the top, but I don’t have a solution either. Of course it all comes down to doing away with the idea of race, but that’s not particularly realistic. Even the term I’ve been using in this entry, mixed race, is considered offensive by some. (After all, who is truly of “pure” race if you go back far enough.)
I don’t want to get too nitpicky, but as an American living in a foreign country, the difference in consciousness about racial issues gets to me sometimes. While you could argue that the blatantly racist things you hear people say here sometimes are preferable to the hidden implicit racism we have in the States, it pains me to hear ignorant racial stereotypes spoken in Japan that I might never have to listen to in the States.
When people give me the line about “half” kids being so cute, I generally respond that babies, and kids in general are by definition quite adorable. This happens on almost a daily basis, so it would be an exercise in futility to try and explain to every stranger how the term “half” is perhaps not a good one, and how racially based compliments aren’t pleasant to receive.
I realize I have no real right to talk about racism here. As much as it feels strange to say it, being white in Japan (or elsewhere) puts one in a markedly privileged position. People I know of South Asian, African American, and Latino origin are repeatedly harassed by police for no reason. I have never experienced this here. An Indian friend of mine has specifically said that I benefit from being white in Japan constantly without even realizing it. For me to complain about racism because of the language of the compliments given to my son feels hypocritical and overly self righteous. So take my little rant with a grain of salt.
17 Responses to “Enough with the “half” already!”
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Perhaps us whiteys do not have such a problem, but as you indicate, it may be a serious one for our half children, if we have them. The point is the cute comments will cease after a while, as the child gets older, but what will they give way to?
Strangely enough, I have always found people (not just kids) with caucasian & far-east parents to be good looking. I think there must be some sort of “better than the component parts” effect here. I am caucasian but not western myself.
Quinlan,
(I tried to send to send this to your old email address. I am at peterscase@gmail.com)
I just posted a comment on your website but it was in relation to your
update from September so I am not sure if you will be notified of it
or not.
JESUS CHRIST HOLY SHIT YOU ARE A FATHER!
Congratulations, once again. I am smiling all over here and am so very
happy for you and Reiko.
Takeru is such a beautiful name for an incredibly beautiful baby. I
think you are going to be a very good father. Your are such a good
person so it would be no surprise.
Time has gone by very rapidly over the past four years and I can’t
remember the last time we communicated. Aneta and I were about to go
to a friends for dinner when I had this urge to look at your website.
Sounds like things are going very well for you and Reiko. I am hoping this email address is still one you use. If so, could you
forward your mailing address so we could send something for Takeru?
Well, I hope this finds you and all the best.
peter
You might be interested in this post on the subject of “haafu”:
Sorry, wrong link:
http://buyo.blogspot.com/2005/10/hapas.html
Buyo, Thanks for the link. I’ve heard of the Hapa group. You quoted them as being a place where they don’t have to answer questions about whether they eat natto. Forgive me for lacking sympathy for this terrible annoyance. (People ask me that too.) Something about the forum and site kinda turns me off, but I’m a geezer (almost 30!), and they mostly talk about going out and partying, so no surprise there. At any rate, it’s not a disadvantaged group in Japan- quite the opposite.
Amen. Rant On. But such is life. And Thank You for the Speedanki Link a few posts back.
I tend to make the same kind of comments about kids and women (and guys!) from mixed ethnic backgrounds and I’m caucasian. In my experience people from mixed backgrounds ARE generally more attractive than those from homogenous ones and I hope I can say that without being offensive since it seems to apply to any combination I can think of.
Perhaps you could bear this in mind next time someone Japanese comments on your kids’ cuteness.
Yeah, this irritates the hell out of me, too. Especially because if my daughter (almost three years old) is out with just her mother, she gets about half the kawaii’s that she gets if she’s spotted with me. Yeah, she’s adorable, but it’s got nothing to do with all the race mixin’ going on back at the ranch.
First rule of Genetics? Spread the genes.
Add to that the fact that kids -have- to be cute( nobody’s getting up at 3am to feed the _ugly_ baby!) and you end up with a handsome unique kid.
However, is it perhaps that there’s not really a good word for it? You mention that “mixed” is even somewhat offensive. Is “ハーフ” just the defacto fall back word for it?
-Scott
I guess I just think that it shouldn’t be necessary to refer to a kids race all the time. I don’t know that any word is necessary. Just saying that his mom is Japanese, or his dad is Caucasian (German, etc.) should be enough. In the States you wouldn’t compliment a kid by saying “What a cute Italian baby” or something like that. There’s no reason to include a racial statement with a compliment.
I have seen many ugly and beautiful “half” people, and if I was given a choice, I’d be full Asian or full Caucasian. It’s just uneducated people who think half people are so exotic and so beautiful.
Considering the racism that once surrounded “half” japanese children, I think this positive attention is a good thing. The japanese are making an effort to proactively combat the old “half” stereotypes. My husband is japanese and has said that the word “double” has been suggested as a more complimentary way of describing children of multiple heritages. Instead of being “half” anything – you’re double! Kind of silly, maybe, but I think it’s great. I think people calling your kid cute is great. You should be proud! Anyhoo, Quinlan, you probably see who wrote this, huh?! It’s nice to see your pictures – you’re so talented! I am actually flying to Japan this weekend with my husband. It’s a small world, huh? Congrats to you and your wife on your baby boy! Hope you’re doing well!
I think racism is everywhere. This is a story about MR.Kevin Miller, JR. who is mixed race as a half Japanese half Caucasian man. He grew up in Seattle, WA, USA. MR. Miller wrote that in his town and outlying area, he would never be considered white. When he was in high school, he realized he was losing his Asian facial features. Dispite this, students in his high school still treated him as an Oriental and he daily received racial slurs from them. MR. Miller’s another experience was a girl who always called him CHINABOY in Junior High who later became the Homecoming Queen. From these experience, he is helping Amerasian people whose father is a American Military Service Man and mother is a Asian woman. Most of Amerasians are abandoned by American father, so they are in poverty and are surrounded prejudice. Even though your child and Amerasians are half, Amerasians’ life are so sad. Maybe you can help these sad Amerasians. Please visit a website http://www.amerasianworld.com THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Hey, I did not know you switched to WordPress, which is why nothing showed up in my RSS feed.
About the half thing, yeah, it can be annoying. But then, I am not much of a baby complimenter anyway so I don’t really put much value giving and receiving them. It has no meaning.
Thinking back even before we had a baby ourselves, all I remember when looking at “half” babies of friends, the racial mix issue never even occurred to me. Of course like everyone else I thought “nose like daddy, eyes lime mum” and all that but that’s as far as it went.
Which proves to me that it is a mentality issue. Recently I generally have little interest interacting with people who think that stuff like this is special in any way. It simply bores me. Tell me something interesting instead.
Yeah, I switched to WordPress when I got Textdrive hosting. I realized when you switched to WordPress and posted an announcement first about the RSS Feed that I should have done the same, but it was too late.
I am very interested in this subject as my Japanese wife is 7 months pregnant(me being American). I have no problem with the “your baby will be soo cute…” but don’t like the “half” section of the comment. If that same Japanese person will respect my son as an equal human being, than I have no problem with them.
I know one fellow foreigner who actually prefers “mixed blood,” but that sounds strangely backward to me.